Tuesday, March 26, 2013

The Healing Has Begun

I know this post is different from most of my blog posts. I just wanted to briefly express my gratitude to my Lord and my God for what He has done for me. Not only has He brought me to the point that I can completely move on from all that has happened in the past year but He has also opened up the windows of heaven and poured out blessings upon my head. Though yesterday morning was incredibly hard and emotionally draining last night I received a package from my grandparents with cookies (hot chocolate, chocolate chip, my favorite!) Also there was a journal that is absolutely beautiful and I hope it will help be better about keeping one than I currently am. As i f that didn't cheer me up enough I also received my itinerary and name tags which I will wear on my mission. It made it all feel very real and now all I can think about is leaving next week and heading to the MTC. I am so excited and so grateful for all that God has done for me to help me completely focus on this next adventure in my life. Before I felt like there was part of me that was looking forward to the “what ifs” of the future. I am moving forward completely unattached and I am so grateful for all that God has done to finally get to that point.

Also attached is a video with a song that truly describes how I feel now. The wounds that were inflicted upon my soul and upon my heart were deep and painful. I spent days and nights crying in agony unto my Father for my relief. At times I felt like God had abandoned me because I had made too many mistakes. At other times I felt like I weighed down with this horrible guilt for all that I had done. I was ashamed of the person I had been, of how I had allowed one person to control my life and my actions so completely. Now, the wounds are finally healing and while I will always have my memories of what happened they pain me no longer. I know that my mission will be the finally healing that I need and ache for the changes that I know will occur as I faithfully serve my Savior and my King.

There is a lesson to be learned from this my dear readers and it is this. God will never abandon you. Neither will He give you more than you can handle. I can personally testify of this. I know what’s it like to hurt so much that you feel like you can’t even pray. I know what its like to wonder if you will ever feel happy again. But I can also tell you that if you rely on God and never turn your back on Him that He will hold you up. My favorite scripture, my mission scripture are perhaps some of the most comforting words ever spoken by the Lord.

“Fear thou not, for I am with thee; be not afraid for I am thy God. I will strengthen thee; yea I will help thee; yea I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness”
(Isaiah 41:10)

God loves you so much my dear  reader, as He loves all of His children. All the trials that you are going through will ultimately be for you good. May you feel Him with you always and may He bless you, until you read again. 

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