God Be With You Til We Meet Again

Well this is it everyone. I get set apart in a few hours. The next update you all will receive will be coming from the MTC in Guatemala. I get set apart in a few hours and after that I am officially a missionary. It still doesn't quiet feel real. I don't think it has really hit me that I'm leaving tomorrow night. When I got my call back on December 5, 2012 I couldn't believe that I had to wait until April 3rd to leave. Especially because I had put my availability date in the middle of February.

But the Lord works in mysterious ways my dear readers. I have learned so much by coming home and spending the last four months here with my family. Not only that but I have had an excess amount of time to study and I like to think I have used it to the best of my ability. Two weeks ago I finished reading Preach My Gospel from cover to cover and I have formed a basic foundation of Spanish grammar and vocabulary through the program called Duolingo.com. My advice to all that are preparing to serve missions is to use the time they've been given before they go into the MTC. I was lucky enough to not have to go back to school. I used a lot of that time to do family history work. While I spend the next 18 months focusing on the salvation of the living. I spent the last month or so, focusing on the salvation of the dead. In addition to the 60 or so people I performed ordinances for during the Fall Semester (with the help of my dear friend Elder Favero now serving in Spain) I have found more than 120 more people to do work for. I know that my efforts will be blessed and I am excited to do all their work when I come home from Panama.

Beyond all the time I have had to study and do family history work I did my best to get in shape and make a little money. I babysat the cutest four little kids about three days a week. The youngest, Ethan, is about 11 months now and when I first met him he cried every time he looked at me for the sole reason that he did not like unfamiliar faces. When I left though, even when he was cranky I could get him to smile. I said goodbye to them a few nights ago and the three girls (ages 3, 6, and 9) hugged me a million times. I am so grateful for the change I ha to babysit them. I learned a lot from them that I know will help me both on my mission and in the future as a wife and mother.

Finally, my calling at church. I taught the 9-11 primary aged girls. I loved teaching them every week. I feel like my ability to teach concepts of the Gospel has been improved and magnified after spending time sharing with them the Gospel that is so dear to my heart. They wrote all over the chalkboard yesterday, messages of love and good luck. It was one of the sweetest things I have ever seen and while I did not have a camera to capture it in a photo, it will be carried in my heart for a long time to come.

Yet I feel the greatest lesson I have learned, the one that I will always be remind of on my mission is how much God loves all of His children. I can't tell you how many times I felt inadequate as I thought of the faith God had in me to call me to serve His children in Panama. It is a mantle of great responsibility that will be laid upon me today, the same mantle that was given to Christ's disciples when He ordained them to be apostles. I am to stand for Him, even in the face of persecution and disapproval. I am to walk with Him, even when all the world turns their backs and slams their doors. I am to speak for Him, even when the words fall on ears that do not want to hear. Most of all I am to live like Him. In a world where morality is a fickle thing and personal choice and freedom is used for the gratification of the moment and the now.

I am a missionary. I am set apart from the world. Made holy and sanctified through the atonement of Jesus Christ and the work that He has called me to do. I stand with the least of His children that I might lift them up to Heaven and their Father. My call is not simply to baptize. It is to warn, to teach, to uplift and to testify of my Savior and my King. I leave armed with the truths of the Gospel and protected by the endowment of His Holy Spirit. I go forward with faith, nothing wavering, knowing that no matter what successes or failures I face, God will be with me. I go ready to return with honor. I go to change lives and hope that the life I change the most is my own.

I have such a testimony of this Gospel. I love my Savior so much. I am ready to stand with Him no matter where that is. I am ready to proclaim in the midst of mobs and and armies, assembled against the work that Jesus is the Christ, the living Son of the living God. That His work is once again upon the earth. Restored through the Prophet Joseph Smith. That through Him came the Book of Mormon, the living word of God. That if we read it we will come closer to Christ and have more peace and happiness in this life than we have yet known. I am will raise my voice for  God's prophet, President Thomas S. Monson that lives upon the earth today and the revelation from God that He receives. I raise my voice that all may know God's truths, the Gospel truths, of eternal families, of temples, and of Him. I am ready and now I bid you all farewell. May God bless you till you read again and more than that may our Lord be with you... until we meet again.
 

"Therefore, fear not little flock; do good, let earth and hell combine against you, for if ye are built upon my rock; they cannot prevail" (Doctrine and Covenants 6:34)

A General Conference Challenge

It has been a wonderful Easter Sunday full of deep reflection and a grateful heart for all that my Savior has done for me. I love the Easter season. Not just for all the festivities and the approach of spring (which I could argue is my favorite season) but  because it causes me to reflect quiet deepy on my relationship with my Savior. This year seems particularly meaningful as prepare to leave for my mission in two days. I get set apart tomorrow and from that moment on I am a 24/7 representative of Jesus Christ. I am to follow the promptings of the Spirit in acting and saying the things that He would say to the best of my mortal understanding and fallen ability allow. I am so grateful for the opportunity that I have. I am looking forward to feeling the Spirit all the time. To being in an environment where I mature spiritually and walk with God more closely.

This season is also my favorite because it means the approach of General Conference. What a wonderful blessing it is to be able to hear men, called of God, speak to us concerning the matters of heaven. No matter where were are in the world we can stream it via TV, internet, or satellite radio. If we speak another language we can hear it in any language from Mandarin Chinese to American Sign Language. Perhaps one day I will have the opportunity to translate some of it in one of the many languages I hope to learn and become verse in during my time on the earth.

If you are LDS, or are not and have friends that are I'm sure you know that last Conference (in October) the Prophet, President Thomas S. Monson lowered the age at which missionaries could serve for brethren and sisters. It has changed so many lives, including mine. What is exciting about this session is that we will hear the total number of missionaries serving. Recent statistics claim that it is up around 64,000 (closer to 65,000 I think) which is significantly higher than the 50,000 that were serving at the beginning of 2013.

With all this discussion of Conference I want to share a challenge with you that a dear friend gave to me almost two years ago. It has changed the way I approach conference. It has helped me to get more out of Conference than ever before. The challenge is this. In the week leading up to Conference prayerfully think of five questions that you would ask the Savior if you could speak with Him face to face. I can testify to you from personal experience that your questions will be answered. For example, for October's Conference I asked what I could do to follow the admonition in the scriptures to  "pick up your cross" and follow after my Savior. The whole Relief Society broadcast basically focused on this question and more than that it led me to change my life. I let go of some things that I now see were holding me back from following after my Savior.

I invite everyone to do this. You don't have to share your questions so you can make them as personal and as deep as you want to make them. If all five of them are answered in the first session than write down more questions that you want answered. I can promise that in some way during Conference weekend God will answer them.

Well my time is short my dear readers. Today has been a day full of goodbyes and good lucks. My Bishop even told me that I can't run the mission even if I might want to which kind of embarrassed  I definitely don't know enough to run much of any thing, let alone an entire mission. I know that as I am prayerful and obedient with exactness God will laden my back with sheaves of success and joy from the work that, with His help I will do. I love my Heavenly Father and my Savior so much. I am so grateful for all that they have done for me. I know that I have been preparing for a very long time for the next 18 months and my efforts will be blessed weather I get 1 or 1,000 baptisms. May God bless you my dear readers, until you read again. 

The Healing Has Begun

I know this post is different from most of my blog posts. I just wanted to briefly express my gratitude to my Lord and my God for what He has done for me. Not only has He brought me to the point that I can completely move on from all that has happened in the past year but He has also opened up the windows of heaven and poured out blessings upon my head. Though yesterday morning was incredibly hard and emotionally draining last night I received a package from my grandparents with cookies (hot chocolate, chocolate chip, my favorite!) Also there was a journal that is absolutely beautiful and I hope it will help be better about keeping one than I currently am. As i f that didn't cheer me up enough I also received my itinerary and name tags which I will wear on my mission. It made it all feel very real and now all I can think about is leaving next week and heading to the MTC. I am so excited and so grateful for all that God has done for me to help me completely focus on this next adventure in my life. Before I felt like there was part of me that was looking forward to the “what ifs” of the future. I am moving forward completely unattached and I am so grateful for all that God has done to finally get to that point.

Also attached is a video with a song that truly describes how I feel now. The wounds that were inflicted upon my soul and upon my heart were deep and painful. I spent days and nights crying in agony unto my Father for my relief. At times I felt like God had abandoned me because I had made too many mistakes. At other times I felt like I weighed down with this horrible guilt for all that I had done. I was ashamed of the person I had been, of how I had allowed one person to control my life and my actions so completely. Now, the wounds are finally healing and while I will always have my memories of what happened they pain me no longer. I know that my mission will be the finally healing that I need and ache for the changes that I know will occur as I faithfully serve my Savior and my King.

There is a lesson to be learned from this my dear readers and it is this. God will never abandon you. Neither will He give you more than you can handle. I can personally testify of this. I know what’s it like to hurt so much that you feel like you can’t even pray. I know what its like to wonder if you will ever feel happy again. But I can also tell you that if you rely on God and never turn your back on Him that He will hold you up. My favorite scripture, my mission scripture are perhaps some of the most comforting words ever spoken by the Lord.

“Fear thou not, for I am with thee; be not afraid for I am thy God. I will strengthen thee; yea I will help thee; yea I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness”

(Isaiah 41:10)

God loves you so much my dear  reader, as He loves all of His children. All the trials that you are going through will ultimately be for you good. May you feel Him with you always and may He bless you, until you read again. 

And God Said "Walk With Me"

I think this has to be my favorite invitation given in the scriptures. To walk with the Creator of worlds without number. It doesn't say "walk behind me" to suggest that God sees us as inferior beings not worthy to be in His presence. Rather, the invitation is to "walk with me" or, I interpret it as "walk beside me". I have been incredibly interested in this passage of scripture and have spent the last two weeks or so fleshing it out in my personal study. Though no where near complete or satisfied on the topic I do have a few thoughts that are deeply person and provide a large foundation of my testimony.

First, is my interpretation of what this passage actually means. To me it rings of the attribute of obedience. More times than I can count, walking in the ways of the Lord are directly linked to keeping all His commandments and His laws. Yet obedience is more than just keeping the commandments and standing worthy of a temple recommend. That is the first level of obedience. The preparatory level if you will. The second level is complete obedience and submission to God's will. It is not only submitting your will to God but it is wanting what He wants for you that is, aligning your will with His. It is not praying for what you want and hoping God allows it, rather it is praying to know what God wants for you.

I have had far too many experiences with this but one of late has been very difficult. Recently I had to let someone go. Someone I loved very much. Not because I didn't care about them or because I didn't want them in my life but because I knew they were holding me back. That, while God was paces away beckoning me to walk with Him, I was attempting to keep up with a large stone shackled to my foot. What was worse is that the more frantically God called to me the more I tightened the chain because I wanted to have both. I wanted to completely dedicate my heart and soul to Him and still hang on to this person. Yet I have come to a realization, as hard as it is, that I cannot have both. I have learned that if I am to walk the road of discipleship this person cannot come with me.

Some may say that I am interpreting God's will incorrectly  but honestly, as I have traveled down this path, freeing myself of this burdensome stone and ran towards my Father and my Savior I have felt freedom and joy that I can't quiet explain. More than that I feel peace. Peace that I am becoming more like Him. That is my ultimate goal. I go forward with certainty that I will be able to give God every thing, including my heart, while I am gone. Some day there will be someone. A worthy, righteous priesthood holder that walks with God also and we will walk together, towards the Celestial Kingdom and our Lord.

I know this is a very personal post. If you're are still reading it kudos to you. With eight days left until I get set apart as a missionary I know that I have a lot to do for my physical, emotional and spiritual preparation. Yet I am so excited to get out and go to work. So ready to be healed by the constant presence of the Holy Spirit. To be lost in the wonderful guidance and influence of my Savior as I give my all to serving His children in Panama. It will be hard I know that. But I also know that with God all things are possible and I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Philip 4:13). Stay strong my dear readers and remember that when God calls and invites you to walk with Him, give up whatever you have to, to do it. More than that, never look back at the things He asks you to leave because it is for your own good that you are abandoning them. Ultimately it will bring you more happiness than you have ever known. Of this I can personally testify. May he be with you, now and always, until you read again.

(The video that you see is of a song that has helped me through this long process. It has reminded me that even in the very depths of despair my God and my King are right there beside me. More than that it has helped me come to see that He has always had a firm hold on my heart until He gives me a way to a faithful priesthood holder that will love me, protect me, and fight for me for all eternity. He knows the deepest desire of my heart and I know that if I am faithful I receive them in His own time and in His own way. He has never abandon me before and He will not abandon me now)

The Only Perfect Missionary

What follows is the talk I planned and prepared for my pre-mission talk (aka farewell). I have been struggling with a cold all week and prayed every day that despite my hoarse voice I would be able to speak with the Spirit. According to everyone that I talked to it was the most powerful talk I have ever given. I am grateful to the Lord for answering my prayer. It is just a personal witness to me that God uses the weak things of the world to bring forth the salvation of men. 

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When Bishop assigned me the topic of missionary work the first thing that came to my mind was “Bishop, I want to write a talk, not a novel.” It was just such a broad topic. So I went home and thought long and hard about what I wanted to talk about specifically. I came to the conclusion that I wanted to discuss something that would change me as I studied it. Something that would help me become the person I want to be before I leave in a few weeks. I thought about what makes us good missionaries. Then I thought of the nine Christ like attributes found in Chapter 6 of Preach My Gospel: faith, hope, charity, patience, knowledge, obedience, diligence, humility and virtue. So I have decided to speak on how these attributes will make us better missionaries, both at home and abroad and ultimately help us come to be like our Father in Heaven. I have chosen to do this by presenting four scriptural examples of these attributes; that from their examples, we can perfect our own lives and become better missionaries and followers of our Savior, Jesus Christ.

President Thomas S. Monson said, “If we do not have a deep foundation of faith and a solid testimony of truth, we may have difficulty withstanding the harsh storms and icy winds of adversity which inevitably come to each of us.”

Scripturally speaking the individual that struck me as a great example of faith was that of Peter. When we think of Peter I’m sure many of us recall well the account found in Matthew 14. Jesus had admonished His disciples to go ahead of Him in the ship and He would meet up with them later. Late in the night Jesus went to them, literally walking upon the water. His disciples were troubled but Jesus beckoned to them and calmed their uneasiness. As we know Peter calls to Jesus saying “Lord if it be thou, bid me come unto thee on the water.” Oftentimes when we read the rest of the story we brush over one very important detail. Peter did it. He got out of the boat and, defying every worldly law that we know he walked towards our Savior on the Sea of Galilee. We instead focus on the fact that when Peter’s great faith, faith strong enough to allow him to stand above the waves of his reservations and, more than that, to walk over his own doubts and uncertainties, was overcome. Peter feared and then he fell. Yet again in his stumbling he demonstrated his great faith. He cried to the Lord saying “Lord, save me”

No matter where we are on our road to discipleship. No matter how well we think we are doing or how well we are actually doing we will fall. We will sink in our own seas of doubt, temptation, and sin. Yet we can find hope in the words of Elder Holland who encouraged, “Don’t you quit. You keep walking. You keep trying. There is help and happiness ahead. Some blessings come soon, some come late, and some don’t come until heaven. But for those who embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ, they come. It will be all right in the end. Trust God and believe in good things to come.” There is hope brothers and sisters. Hope in He who stands above the waves. Hope in He that walks on the waters, even Jesus Christ. Whether we are a missionary that can tract no further, or a young parent that feels overwhelmed with their new found responsibility; there is hope in He who calms our storms. All we have to do is cry out and He will “immediately stretch forth his hand and catch us” We as Latter Day Saints, as missionaries and members alike, must “press forward with a steadfastness in Christ having a perfect brightness of hope and a love of God and all men” (2 Nephi 31:20). Then we too can be like Peter who responded when the Lord asked if He would leave Him “Lord to whom shall we go? Thou hast the words of eternal life. And we believe and are sure that thou art that Christ, the Son of the living God.” And ultimately, ,we will be saved and glorified in the kingdom of God.

“Patience means active waiting and enduring. It means staying with something and doing all that we can working, hoping, and exercising faith; bearing hardship with fortitude, even when the desires of our hearts are delayed. Patience is not simply enduring; it is enduring well!”- President Dieter F. Uchtdorf

No other story of patience touches me quiet like the story of Leah. Leah isn’t someone we talk about much. We all know relatively well the love Jacob had for Rachel whom he met at the well. The woman that when he met her he wept at her beauty. Jacob seeks Rachel’s hand, working seven years for her. However, his clever father-in-law gives him Leah. When Jacob realized in the morning that it was Leah and not Rachel he was angry and Jacob confronted Judah. Yet we seem to forget about Leah from this point on. Jacob loved Rachel instantly that much was clear. We see the depth of Leah’s anguish at her neglect in Genesis 29:32 right after she bears Rueben she declares “Surely the Lord hath looked upon my affliction; now therefore my husband will love me.”  We, as Jacob did, overlook Leah who eventually bore Levi, through which comes the line of the priesthood. Leah who bore Judah, through which came King David, then Solomon, and ultimately our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Henry B. Eyring said “The Lord is keeping His promise to you as you keep yours. As you serve others for Him, He lets you feel His love. And in time, feelings of charity become part of your very nature. And you will receive the assurance of Mormon in your heart as you persist in serving others in life that all will be well with you.” So it was with Leah, patient, charitable Leah. She was rewarded for her patience. She faithfully served and honored her husband until the end of her days. In Genesis 49 we find out that Jacob has buried his sweet Leah with his parents and grandparents, and that too is where he ultimately decides to be buried. Some blessings we will not see in this life. Yet if we press forward with patience and charity, with an eye single to the glory of God we will truly understand and live the words found in Isaiah 12:2 “Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust, and not be afraid: for the Lord Jehovah is my strength and my song; he also is become my salvation.” We must come to understand that everything is in the Lord’s time, not ours. And, just as charity never faileth, if we are found possessed of it, neither will we.

The Book of Mormon teaches us “To be learned is good if [we] hearken unto the counsels of God.”

When I thought of a good scripture story that presents the danger of knowledge when we do not use it righteously I thought of the story of Naaman found in 2 Kings 5. Naaman was a well-respected Syrian general but he was also afflicted with leprosy. Historically speaking this disease made him ritually unclean in the eyes of the Jews. In an attempt to be healed Naaman followed the advice of a faithful maid servant who encouraged him to go see the prophet Elisha. So he went, bearing gifts, with all the grandeur of the world. And what did Elisha do? He sent a messenger out to meet him which instructed him to go wash in the river Jordan seven times. We read in verse 11 “But Naaman was wroth and went away, and said, Behold I thought, He will surely come out to me, and stand, and call on the name of the Lord his God and strike his hand over the place and recover the leper.” Too often our own knowledge and perception blind us to the little tender mercies of God. We expect big extravagant miracles. Yet typically the blessings, the miracles that change our lives and strengthen our faith come in the small, almost imperceptible moments that often pass us by without being noticed. These are signs from God. They prove that God is not only aware of us but is going before us with His angels, preparing a way for us to accomplish the things that He has commanded us to do.

Elder D. Todd Christofferson has said “Obedience gives us greater control over our lives, greater capacity to come and go, to work and create.” Yet some times we are like Naaman and we scoff at this admonishment or that suggestion coming from a servant of God. Naaman was ready to walk away without even going near the Jordan. Claiming “Are not Abana and Pharpar, rivers of Damascus, better than all the waters of Israel? May I not wash in them and be clean?” Then Naaman servants went forward and entreated him saying “If the prophet had bid thee, do some great thing, wouldest thou not have done it? How much rather then when he saith to thee, Wash, and be clean?” I can only imagine Naaman’s feelings at the gentle reprimand of those of whom which he had charge. For it is evident that their faith was greater than his. Not soon after he went and “dipped himself seven times in the Jordan… and his flesh came again like unto the flesh of a little child, and he was clean.” Just as the waters of Jordan cleansed Naaman of his physical disease when we are obedient to the laws and ordinance of the Gospel we are cleansed from spiritual disease through the atonement of Jesus Christ. We become clean and made whole, restored to righteousness through the blood of the Lamb. Then, like Nephi we can proclaim “O Lord, I will praise thee forever; yea, my soul will rejoice in thee my God and the rock of my salvation.” ( 2 Nephi 4:30). And we will indeed be saved by the blood of Him that we faithfully follow and obey.

“I am convinced that missionary work is not easy because salvation is not a cheap experience. Salvation never was easy… How could we believe it would be easy for us when it was never, ever easy for Him?” Jeffery R. Holland

My last example is the One and Great Example. The way, the truth, and the life. The Resurrection and the Light of the World. He has been called wonderful, counselor, the mighty God, the Prince of Peace and King of Kings. He is our Savior and Redeemer, Jesus Christ. His life is the epitome of all the attributes I have spoken of today and all the ones I have not. In humility he diligently sought the will of His Father. Filled with virtue and selflessness He was crucified for us that we might inherit all that the Father hath. As members and missionaries of His true Church we will be asked to spend at least a few moments in Gethsemane and take a few, cross-laden steps towards Calvary. That is not to take away from the Savior’s great sacrifice. That is not my intention. What I am saying is that weather we are a life-long member, recent convert, or searching investigator, we must, in order “to come to the truth, to come to salvation, to know something of this price that has been paid,  pay a token of that same price.” We will all wonder if there is an easier way. An easier road to salvation, to conversion, and to God. He knows and He understands. Because the Savior of us all asked this same question as He lay prostrate in a Garden so long ago. He plead for it as He hung on the cross wanting to know why His Father had forsaken Him. He knows how hard this experience is. He knows the cost of salvation because He has paid it. When we as members suffer and wade through the depths of affliction, take heart; for we are standing with the best life this world has ever known, the only pure and perfect life ever lived. We have reason to stand tall and be grateful that the Living Son of the Living God knows all about our sorrows and afflictions. The only way to salvation is through Gethsemane and on to Calvary. The only way to eternity is through Him… even the only perfect missionary.
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I am so grateful for the opportunity I have had to speak to all of you today. More than that I am grateful for the next 18 months I will spend in Panama, coming to know my Lord and my Savior Jesus Christ and helping others come to develop a covenantal relationship with Him.  In D&C 81:4-5 the Lord said in regards to callings “And in doing these things thou wilt do the greatest good unto they fellow beings, and wilt promote the glory of him who is your Lord. Wherefore be faithful; stand in the office which I have appointed unto you; succor the weak, lift up the hands which hang down, and strengthen the feeble knees.” I have spoken of a lot of different characteristics today. My challenge to each of you is to work on one, just one. Prayerfully pick the one that you feel you need to work on most an than pray for help in strengthening that attribute in yourself. Ether 12:27 tells us that God gave us weakness that, through Him, we might make them strengths. Through diligent effort we can develop the faith of Peter, the patience of Leah, and the understanding of Naamen. And in the end, in that last day, when we stand before God at that judgment day we will hear the words of our Savior saying “Father, behold the sufferings and death of Him who did no sin in whom thou wast well pleased; behold the blood of thy Son which was shed, the blood of Him whom thou gavest that thyself might be glorified. Wherfore, Father, spare these my brethren...” May we strive towards this goal with lifted eyes and cheerful hearts. May we do it in the name of Him who knows us better than we know ourselves. I leave these things with you in His Holy name, even the great Jehovah Jesus Christ, Amen. 

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Following my talk my friend Molly offered a beautiful musical number called "Savior, Redeemer of My Soul" It is basically my testimony in the form of a song and I am so grateful that it worked out for her to come and do it for me. Enjoy and God bless you until you read again!

I Love To See The Temple. I Went Inside Today.

Okay technically I went inside yesterday and was too tired to post about then but the title flows better using the word today. Anyway, I went through the Jordan River temple yesterday and it was just so beautiful. Everyone asked me if it was what I expected but honestly I didn't go in with any expectations. I went in knowing a lot about what was practiced in the temples in ancient Israel and I found that surprisingly similar. I would recommend in depthly studying the books of Genesis, Exodus, and Leviticus in the Old Testament and Abraham and Moses in the Pearl of Great Price. Also if you get your hands on some stuff about temple worship by Dr. Stephen Ricks I would strongly recommend that.

The day was overall just wonderful. We got up and went to lunch and I was more excited than scared or nervous. I knew that I was going through the House of the Lord and that I would have help both from God and the people around me as I went through the experience. The only set back was that I had no voice. Somehow in the last 24 hours my cold had gone from a cold to laryngitis but that was not about to deter and aside from an obnoxious cough I felt fine

We went to lunch at a buffet but I didn't eat very much because I was so excited. Then we went over to Temple Square to get my mom a temple dress because she didn't like her old one. We decided to cut through the temple grounds because it was such a beautiful day and we got a few pictures in front of the temple.

We then went and got my mom's temple dress and headed back tot he car with about 20 minutes to spare until I had to be at the Jordan River temple for my session. There must needs be opposition in all things though and when we used the phone to navigate it took us on a very strange route back to the freeway which ultimately made us 15 minutes late. I was doing my best trying not to stress because I knew that Satan would use that against me. I also knew that the moment I entered the temple I would feel the peace that i needed to feel.

I had called the temple to let them know we were running late but even then getting there 15 minutes late was not ideal in my book. We got in there and they took us back behind the front desk. Talk about a right of passage. I had spent years watching people go past the workers at the desk aching for the day that I would do the same and now today was my day!

The sum it up the session was beautiful. It was nothing weird or scary as some people suggested it might be. What was great is that there were nine missionaries going through and six of them were sisters! It was wonderful and uplifting. I had a coughing fit half way through the endowment session and I felt so embarrassed. I survived it though and was able to pay attention. There were things that I thought were incredibly neat and things that I definitely want to study on my own in my personal scripture study. Honestly it felt like I was returning to visit a friend I had been a way from for a long time. More than that, stepping into the Celestial room felt like I was coming home.

I feel like my journey towards my mission has been a transforming experience. I am not the person I once was and the covenants I made in the temple symbolize that. I am ready to go out and preach the Gospel to the people of Panama and bring them to knowledge of their Redeemer Jesus Christ. I am grateful for all my family and friends that have supported me up to this point and with just two and a half weeks left until I leave I know I have a lot to do but I am definitely excited for this new chapter in my life and all the blessings and experiences it will bring!

A Day In Provo And Chasing Trains

Today has been a crazy day so this is going to be rather short so that I can be well rested because I go through the temple. More thoughts on that in another post though. What happened today was that I went Provo. Honestly as we drove through Orem I felt like I was coming home. I can't imagine how its going to feel when I come back from my mission. There are great things ahead and I am so excited.

Things started off great today from practically the moment I woke up. I was standing in the lobby waiting for my family to be ready to go when a gentleman approached my grandma and I and asked us where we were from. We made small talk with him for a while and then he asked why we were here. We told him that we were here in Salt Lake because I was getting ready to go on my mission and going through the temple this weekend. We talked for a little while longer and then the man reached into his back pocket, pulled out a $5 bill and handed to me saying he wanted to contribute to my mission fund. I was adamant that he didn't have to do that but he assured me that he was choosing too. I know he will be best for his sacrifice and I am grateful for it. I am saving the $5, hopefully it will help me when I am actually out on my mission

When we made it to Orem we stopped at Beehive clothing to get what I need for tomorrow. I told the lady that was helping us that I was going on a mission to Panama and then she handed us over to someone else to check us out. As we were purchasing our stuff the lady that had helped us earlier said loudly. "We have two people going to Panama!" This was very surprising because Panama isn't one of those missions you hear people getting called to every day. I was partly hoping it would be an elder because I haven't found any elders serving down there yet. However, Hermana Rebecca Dawson was a pleasant surprise. We had talked on Facebook some and it was simply through the hand of God that we saw each other that day. She was just passing through and we had decided to stop here instead of in Salt Lake. It was wonderful tender mercy

We got to Provo and I picked up some stuff for my mom then trekked around campus hoping  to catch a former professor or two but alas, no luck! I returned to the FLSR (we had gone to pick up some thing I had left when I'd move out in December) and had lunch with a dear friend named Katherine (I always called her Chava, which means Eve in Hebrew). We met in HEB 101, became study buddies and have been good friends ever since. She has always called me Chana (like the English Hannah, which is my Hebrew name). She is going to Harvard this Fall and this was the last time I would actually see her until God decides to bring us back together. We talked for a while and reminisced about our experiences together. Talked about the perspective missions and what is required for their preparation adds. I talked about how over the past year I had come to love my independence and the strength that God had become to me as I'd realized that while I yearned for the loves of my fellow man, with the love of God, I can be sustained if it is His will that it must be that way.

(Chava and I!)

After that I went and sat on the grass in front of the FLSR. My friend Molly (who is singing at my farewell) met me and we sat on the grass together enjoying the weather. As we sat there many people I knew came up and hugged me and asked me when I was entering. Almost without exception the guys asked me if I had been set apart yet, not wanting to hug me if I had been. I assured them that I was still huggable and I was happy to receive love from all the people I had grown so close to over the Fall semester.

Then Jeff showed up. Jeff is a very dear friend who I have grown to in a way that I can't quiet describe. We are very similar. In the summer we worked 18 hour shifts together and we really got to know each other. I am happy that I can keep in touch with him through email while I'm gone and if he still around when I come home I look forward to seeing and hanging out with him again. 

We sat on the grass for a good two hours before we all decided we were hungry and made the decision to walk down to J-Dawgs. It was a good last meal to have in Provo before I left and I greatly enjoyed it. After we ate we went back up to Jeff's apartment and played Scrabble. Jeff won. Only because he put down the word "equip"

(Jeff and I at J-Dawgs)

My friend Cameron (I call him Zoar which means "light" in Hebrew). He truly has been a wonderful friend and hometeacher. Came to take Molly and I to the station where we would catch the Frontrunner train. We talked in Hebrew for a while and he figured out just how much I had forgotten while studying Spanish. As we were driving down to the train station Cameron's car ran out of gas! Like, stopped working out of gas! We were about a quarter of a mile from the station and Cameron told us we would have to run to catch it because we only had about five minutes. Cameron was kind and carried Molly's bag and we took off as fast as we could. (If we hadn't caught it we would have had to wait a whole hour to catch the next one and with an hour ride we needed to catch this train). Needless to say we made it! I hugged Cameron goodbye and told him to bring sand form the Sea of Galilee (he's studying in Israel this summer like I plan to do when I come back).

Overall it was a wonderful adventure full of people that I love and memories that will last a long time. Thought I didn't get to see everyone, being around all my friends again made me grateful for the Plan of Salvation and the opportunity that we all have to be together forever in the presence of our Father in Heaven someday. I have only about 16 days until I enter the MTC and I feel God helping me along the way. May He bless you, my dear reader, until you read again.

Mission Scripture

For some reason I had an incredibly difficult time figuring out what scripture I should use on my plaque. I wanted a scripture that would express how I felt towards my Heavenly Father and towards my mission. For a while I was thinking of using Alma 29:9 which reads:

I know that which the Lord hath commanded me, and I glory in it. I do not glory of myself, but I glory in that which the Lord hath commanded me; yea, and this is my glory, that perhaps I may be an instrument in the hands of God to bring some soul to repentance; and this is my joy.

I really liked this scripture because I want more than any thing to be an instrument in the hands of God in bringing others to HIm. It is not only the goal of my mission but the goal of my life. Yet I noticed some thing. It seemed like everyone and their dog was using this scripture. I didn't want to use a scripture that every one else was using. I've always had this rather strange characteristic of wanting to be different from those around me. I never liked following the crowd and I think that was some thing that helped me stand up for my beliefs when the time called for it in high school

So I decided to think about another scripture that would I felt the same way about. Then it hit me. I thought of Isaiah 41:10. This scripture had touched me when I needed comfort and reminded me that God was in charge no matter how dark the night I had been called to pass through appeared. It made me understand that even when I had no one I had Him and I feel, even now, that it is a wonderful motto to carry in my heart in regards to the 18 months I will spend in 24/7 service to Him. It reads:

Fear thou not, for I am with. Be not dismayed for I am thy God. I will strengthen thee. Yea I will help thee. Yea I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.

I think as a missionary we definitely need to remember that God will uphold us. I am so grateful for this opportunity to serve and to feed His sheep in Panama. My God bless you my dear readers until you read again. 

Planning For Ana

So for the past three weeks Catie (a girl is reporting to the Guatemala MTC 2 weeks before me and also serving in Panama) and I have been having mock planning sessions for fake investigators. These investigators are individuals we have come up with that need the Gospel and are prepared, in some ways, to receive it into their lives. I was originally going to post about what it was like to plan for one of our investigators named Ramone, that is, until I helped plan for an investigator named Ana.

During the part of our planning sessions that we set aside for Ana I felt the spirit stronger than I have in a very long time. So much so that I started shaking from the sheer power of the Holy Ghost working on me. As we planned for this investigator that didn’t exist and that we would never teach I found myself aching to share this lessons with the woman. Rather then just sum it up for you let me get a little in depth. That way you’ll get an idea of what our planning sessions are like and how it is preparing us to be better missionaries once we get out in the field.

First, we come up with an investigator. Catie came up with Ana. Some key things about the single mother in her late twenties is that she has four boys ages 3, 4, 7 and 10. The oldest three from one father and the youngest from another father. Their dads are not in the picture. Ana works all day to support her young family. Culturally she is Catholic  but her worship does not extend beyond worshiping a picture of the Virgin Mary that hangs on her wall above a candle. Ever night she lights the candle and pray to the Mary for relief from her troubles.

So to begin our planning sessions we always start out with an opening prayer. This time I asked Catie to say it in Spanish because I want to see what words I could pick out. Unfortunately my  phone is horrible at picking up noise when it’s on speaker phone so I only caught a few phrases. We started with  Ramone and with about twenty minutes left in the session we started planning for Ana. We both felt like we should teach her about Jesus Christ and expressed this feeling to one another.  Catie suggested the sub point of faith in Jesus Christ as a main focus and God is our loving Heavenly Father. Almost at the same time we amended it to, Christ’s earthly ministry and atonement found in Lesson 1.

 

Now that we had the basis from which we would draw our lesson we talked about commitments we would extend. We both felt that Ana would be open to a commitment to be baptized. Plus we had talked earlier about the importance of bringing up baptism from the beginning so that its not a surprise for you investigators. We also talked about extending the commitment for Ana to come to church with us that Sunday.

We then  got into the meat of what we would teach from. We discussed the importance of first helping her come to know Jesus Christ. We felt this wouldn’t be a hard transition for her because she had a Catholic background and already faithfully worshipped the Virgin Mary. I felt prompted to use the story of the woman at the well found in John 3. I admitted to Catie that it was kind of weird connection. I felt like we should draw a connection between Ana and the Samaritan woman. In many way Ana, is like the woman at the well. Seeking for the living water that Christ has to offer. We planned to emphasize to her that Christ could give her the living water of faith. Christ could also give her peace in every aspect of her life. The way she feels when she prays at night to her painting could be experienced all the time if she would just return to Him. Catie like it and we discussed that concept a little further. I think at this point we both felt the Spirit very intensely, bearing witness to us  that what we were planning was true and would be very powerful.

We then moved into how to teach  Ana about the atonement. Catie talked about reading Mosiah 11 in which Abinadi is quoting Isaiah regarding the coming of Christ. We decided to use verse 3-5 to help Ana understand that Christ knows her sufferings and understands her in her trials. We connected to Christ’s experience in the Garden of Gethsemane found in Luke 22:42-43. We talked about how she could relate to feeling as Christ did, asking the Father to let the bitter cup pass from Him. We also discussed the next verse of how an angel was sent to strengthen Him in His suffering. We decided we would talk with Ana about how when she prays to God in the name of Christ, her Heavenly Father can send angels to her aid to strengthen and uplift her.  We thought that would be a good lead into committing her to be baptized and to come to Church with us that Sunday. We decided we would close with asking her to give the closing prayer.

We did not plan homework for Ana. I think it is best that Ana just be challenged to ponder on the things we have taught her but Catie and I will talk about tomorrow and that may be changed. To be continued…

At point in the planning session we felt like that was enough. What we had planned for Ana was powerful and we both knew it. We both knew that the Spirit was there and that we had been guided in planning for these fake investigators. When we were evaluating how it had gone (after a closing prayer given by me in Hebrew) I for one could barely speak because I was shaking so bad (that’s what happens to me when I feel the Spirit strongly, I shake, kind of like I’m shivering because I’m cold. We talked about how we would like to be each other’s companions and what went well with the session. Catie will send me Ana's reactions before our next planning sessions.  I look forward to many great sessions and cannot wait to get out in the field and actually teach God’s children in Panama. I am so grateful for this opportunity to serve and how He is preparing me to do so. May He bless you my dear readers, until you read again. 

Vaccine Adventures

You might wonder why in the world I am dedicating an entire post to my mission vaccines. It’s quiet simple really. I am one of those lucky 1 in 40,000 people who actually experienced a reaction and it was quiet the adventure for me (hence the title of this post). I guess it’s just one of the perks of going foreign. I got four shots in one day and my mom and I both knew that it would probably affect me to some degree; we just didn't anticipate that I would be down for the count for the next week.

The one that gave me the most problems was my yellow fever vaccine. It hurt like crazy going in too (they did warn me that it would so I was able to mentally prepare myself). I didn't feel bad at first. It just felt like someone was trying to rip my arms off, they were so sore! I still worked out that day hoping that actually doing stuff with them would help. That night though I felt terrible. I was chilled but at the same time hot because of all the blankets I had on me. I got maybe three hours of sleep and that morning took an Advil and went to babysit. The kids cheered me up some but after four hours I was ready to come home.

When I did, my mom took my temperature and learned I had a slight fever. We thought maybe I had the flu which would have been quiet the coincidence seeing as I had received my flu shot exactly a week before. So I took it easy. That night was as rough as the one before and when I woke up I had a fever of about 100. We also noticed a red swollen circle around where the nurse had injected the yellow fever vaccine. We decided to just keep an eye on it and hope that we could battle it out with come good cold medicine and lots of fluids. I did not go and babysit that day and instead took the opportunity to read some from my El Libro De Mormon and Predicad Mi Evangelio. After a while though I got too tired and just dozed on the couch. When I woke up and I just felt gross and went to bed early that night.

So that next day was Friday, that morning we took my temperature and it was 101. Plus my whole upper right arm was swollen and painful (not the side with the yellow fever vaccine). So we called the doctor. They said there was nothing they could do but if I started having seizures or my fever got over 102 I should be taken to the ER. That was when I decided that I should call on God for help. So I called the missionaries. They came over and admitted that they actually had to consecrate the oil which was something I had never seen done. They talked with me for a little while about what I was doing to prepare and what they were doing to find people (that is my favorite chapter in Preach My Gospel right now!). I suggested they have like a game night at the church for the youth. It could be something nonmembers could come to and not feel uncomfortable; just something fun. The missionaries actually ended up doing one but I was babysitting and unable to go.

Anyway, back to the blessing. So they consecrated the oil and then I was asked to choose who would do the anointing and who would give the blessing. I hate being asked that. Sometimes I wish they would just establish it beforehand. I feel like by choosing I’m sending a message that I think one elder will give a better blessing than another. Anyway, I chose the elder from Peru to anoint and the elder from New Zealand to give the blessing. Poor Peruvian Elder, I could tell he was nervous and was glad that I hadn't made him feel like he had to give the blessing. I think he would have been so nervous! Anyway, the New Zealand Elder has an awesome accent that makes it hard to understand him some times but there were a few things that really stuck out to me in the blessing.

Multiple times he praised me for my exceeding faith in my Heavenly Father. He assured me that God was aware of me and my faithfulness. I am always so grateful for those reminders. They comfort me when I feel I am falling short of the expectations my Father in Heaven has for me. He also told me that this blessing and my healing would be a testament to the power of God that is found in the Church. That others would learn from my example of faith and steadfastness in my beliefs. He told me to listen to my mom to help me get better quicker. It was a beautiful blessing and I am so grateful for the priesthood. I look forward to the day when I will have my own home blessed by an eternal companion who will be a worthy priesthood holder. A lack of it growing up as made me want it that much more for myself and my children. I just look up to those who hold it worthily so much; I admire them and am so grateful for them.

Well the blessing was over and the missionaries hung around for a little while, offering to help me study the discussions if I wanted it. I asked them for the number of the sisters in the area over since we did not have the luxury of having sisters in my area. They said they would get me the number and they also informed me that we were getting 17 sisters in the Reno Nevada mission that week. The work is going forward and it is so exciting to see! We said goodbye and that night my fever broke. My arms still killed for a few days but by Sunday I felt completely normal and was able to teach my class at Church (which I was worried about). God is wonderful. I am so grateful for the trials He puts into my life because I know that through them He brings to pass miracles to strengthen my testimony and the testimony of my family members. I now have 45 days until I leave and I feel God teaching me new things every day. May He bless you my dear reader, until you read again!

What Are You Doing To Prepare?

For some reason I have been asked this question a lot lately. I received my mission call back on December 5^th ( I remember it well) and don’t leave until April 3^rd. I must admit that when I first received my call I was frustrating about where the date fell that I was leaving. I had told my stake president that if I was called to serve in April I would like to leave at the end of the month so I could go another semester at BYU. However, my stake president told me something that I have thought about a lot since getting my call. He talked to me about how there are two facets of being prepared to serve a mission. The first is being worthy and the second is being willing. Within the idea of being willing is not only being willing to go wherever but also being willing to go whenever the Lord needs you to go. It reminded me that I needed to use the time the Lord had given me to prepare to do just that, prepare.

So that’s what I am focusing my post on today. What am I doing to prepare to be a better missionary when I leave two months from now? I have actually come to be very grateful for the time that I have been blessed with to get ready. There are three things that are missionary related (so aside from spending time with family and babysitting to pay off student loans) that I want to address in this particular post. If you are also getting ready to serve and have other suggestions that I am not doing that you are I would love to hear it! Now on to what I’m doing.

First, I am reading Preach my Gospel every day. Right when Christmas Break started I established a schedule for reading to make sure I would finish the whole thing before I leave on my mission. I have been studying a little bit of every day and trying to do a chapter a week. I am just finishing chapter 13 this week and will start studying the discussions. Along with reading the chapters I do the scripture studies and write down talks to read from the quotes in the chapters. I love that I have so much time to really study the manual that I will be using my entire mission. I am trying to become really familiar with the chapters so that when I start studying them in Spanish I won’t be completely lost. I think my favorite chapter to read right now is the one on finding people. I am just so excited to get out and do it. To find my Father in Heaven’s lost sheep; to feed His wandering lambs. It is why I am serving a mission and I am excited to go out and finally do it every hour of every day.

Second, I am studying the scriptures as much as I can. I just finished the Book of Mormon two weeks ago and even though it feels kind of strange I am following the prompting to reread the New Testament. I took the first half of New Testament at BYU last semester and it made me realize (kudos to my professor) that I do not know the New Testament like I should. I do love it though. I can’t wait to come home after my mission I really start my classes focused on that, especially my Greek classes. I have tons of stuff to look forward to and I know that God will be with me every step of the way. It is weird not studying the Book of Mormon as part of my personal scripture study in the morning and the evening. I justify by reasoning that when I study Preach My Gospel I always study the Book of Mormon and ponder scriptures from it. I know its important to understand and be familiar with both. After all the Book of Mormon is a major key in the converting process but most people that I will teach in Panama (who have a Roman Catholic background) will be drawing all their knowledge from the New and Old Testament.

Third, go on splits with the missionaries if you can. I know that its hard for some people. I am currently in a position that I cannot go on splits with sisters because there are no sisters to go on splits with. If you are in the same position as I am might I suggest something else. I talk on Skype every week with another sister that is going o Panama two weeks before me. We have decided that we are going to go through chapter 3 of Preach My Gospel together like we would if we were a companionship. We are even coming up with imaginary investigators so we have someone to tailor lessons to. I think it’s really important that we get used to teaching people, not teaching concepts. I also think it is a really good thing that we are becoming familiar with not only doing things our way and we have the chance to listen to how we would each approach a certain teaching situation.

Those are a few of the many things that I am doing to prepare and I hope this gave you guys some ideas and I you have any suggestions please let me know. I am so grateful for this opportunity to serve a mission and to serve God’s children in Panama. I am so grateful for the time God is giving me to do this; to draw closer to Him and to learn from His Son what it means to be a good missionary. May God bless you all now and until you read again. 

Remember Families Are Forever

It is a sad day when someone, especially a child, is taken before we think they should be. It is even harder when it is without warning and it seems that we are helpless to do anything but stand back and watch. Today, at around 3am, my friend's 16 year old brother was called to do work for our Lord and Savior on the other side of the veil. He had been fighting a staff infection, then he got the flu and because of the strain on his body the veins (particularly in the lining of his stomach) became weakened and bacteria escaped from his stomach into his bloodstream. His body was then attacked from all sides. He went into cardiac arrest twice, suffered kidney and liver failure and had to put on heart and lung bypasses just to keep him alive. At around 3am this morning, Heavenly Father decided that it was enough and called him home.

It is hard for everyone. It especially hard for the family, but it is difficult for those who know the family because everyone feels like all they can do is offer words. Empty phrases that will never fill the void; they will never bring Parker back. Many people would get angry and ask why? If He loved His children so much why would He cause them to grieve like this? So many people lose faith in the Gospel because of tragedies like this. They claim that if there really was a loving Father in Heaven he wouldn’t allows these kinds of things to happen. Yet I invite you, my dear readers, to consider some thing.

We experience this grief and this pain and this loss because we love, deeply and completely. God has blessed us with that emotion; to love, to give ourselves wholly to someone; to open ourselves up to them and allow them into our heart. To let them toy with our emotions for good or ill. God has given that ability to it because through that emotion stems the family. The love between spouses, the love between parents and their children, the love between siblings , friends and Church families. We grieve because we love. If we did not love we would not grieve and that my friends would be a wasted existence in my opinion. Those who claim that God does not love us because He took someone from us suffers from bitterness because they cared.

It is important to remember that we came from the presence of God and inevitably we will all return there. For some it will be too soon. For others it will be after a long life full of joys and sorrows, happiness and grief.  Forefront in my mind at the moment is found in 2 Nephi when Lehi, who is on his death bed is speaking to his son Jacob. He tells him “For it must needs be that there is an opposition in all things. If not so… righteousness could not be brought to pass, neither wickedness, neither holiness, nor misery neither good nor bad…” He goes on to say that if all opposition should cease then eventually God would cease to be God. But because He loves us so much He gives us the ability to choose and to love and to grieve. It is part of the mortal experience. It is  part of becoming like God.

Finally, remember that families are forever. It is, in my opinion, one of the most beautiful doctrines of the LDS faith. That through proper covenants and ordinances established and performed under the right authority we have the opportunity to be with the ones we love most in this life forever. It is one of the many reasons I am serving a mission. I cannot wait to go teach the people of Panama that they can be with their loved ones forever. That especially in times of death and loss they can find peace, as the Allred family has, knowing that they will see and be with their loved ones again. It is beautiful and it is sweet. It is the good news of the Gospel and I love it with all my heart. May God bless you my dear readers, until you  read again. 

Lord You Have My Heart

One of my favorite songs right now; It really voices my feelings.  Especially because I am going into my mission hoping to develop an even deeper relationship with my Savior than the one I have already tried to so hard to cultivate. My favorite lines from the song go like this “Lord you have my heart and I will search for yours. Jesus take my life and lead me on.” I have been through a lot in my life but especially the past year and I have tackled the healing process a day at a time. However, no matter how hard things got I swore to myself that I would never turn my back on God. No matter how badly I hurt or how angry I was at what was happening I was not going to be mad at God. My Savior has become my dearest friend. I read a book recently called “I loved Jesus in the Night”. It’s a biography about Mother Teresa and she talked about how she lived like Jesus was her spouse, living only to please Him and make Him comfortable inside her heart. Her and I are kindred spirits in that goal. A lot of what she said is how I feel exactly 

What I have learned most from the hard year though is that God loves me. He loves me because no matter where He asked me to go, no matter how deep the despair or how dark the night, He was with me. Even when I tried to hide my pain from my roommates or my family I could not hide it from Him and I found it oddly comforting. When I got angry I did not direct towards the individual who was the source of my pain, instead I turned it towards my Heavenly Father, and He in turn helped me to know His Son better. He brought to my knees and then to the scriptures. Teaching me of  a man of sorrows that was acquainted with grief. In the night I came to know and love the Redeemer of the world. I came to truly understand that I am His as long as I am willing to make a place In my heart for Him to stay.

With a call to serve a mission I have a chance to demonstrate my thanks for His companionship and His unending understanding and mercy. I have offered prayers of gratitude on numerous occasions but I never felt I could adequately voice the gratitude I felt in my heart. He had walked with me through the valley of the shadow of death and he taught me to fear no evil. He helped me to know that goodness and mercy would follow all of my days (ref. Psalm 23). I know that my mission will heal me. It is the last step I need to take to truly feel forgiven. The final push to the disciple that I want to be; I have sought every day for a long time to be the kind of disciple that could look at the face of the Master with pleasure, knowing that I had been faithful in all the things He had commanded me to do. I am not there yet. I know, with my Savior at my side, someday I will be; but not yet and for now I just have to walking.

There are moments that ignite a glimmer of hope that I am doing the right things and living the right way. One of those moments came when I was talking with a friend. We were talking about some of the hard things I had experienced and he asked “Haley, do you love our Savior.” Without even thinking the words kind of slipped out as tears filled my eyes “I love him so much.” Then he smiled, like he knew something I didn't and said  “Its little wonder you want to specialize in New Testament studies.” In that moment I felt validated. I felt like all the efforts, all my prayers and all the sleepless night I spent worrying about my progress and whether He was pleased with me felt like they were not for nothing.

I echo those words now. I love my Savior so much. He is the friend I've always looked for, the One that I can confide in. Who is always ready to listen He loves me so much that He cuts me down to help me grow and after I have spent a long night in the dark I know that it is only to turn me into a beautiful and magnificent butterfly. Lord you have my heart; I only pray that I can find yours. May God watch over you in your darkest hours and always, until you read again. 

And the LORD shall guide thee continually, and satisfy thy soul in drought, and make fat thy bones: and thou shalt be like a watered garden, and like a spring of water, whose waters fail not. (Isaiah 58:11)

Passports, Plantains, and a Parable

Life since coming home has been pretty uneventful. I have spent a lot of time studying Preach My Gospel. Basically I go through each chapter with a pen, underline what jumps out at me and take notes of things that strike me as I read. I also do the scripture studies. I am trying to knock out a chapter a week though some chapters take me longer than others. I am saving Chapter 3 (which has all the lessons in it) as the last chapter I study so that its fresh in my mind when I enter the MTC and start learning everything in Spanish. In regards to my mission that is definitely what I am most apprehensive about is teaching everything in Spanish. I have been doing some studying and I try to think of how I would say things in Spanish. I already know how to say “somos misioneras de la iglesia de Jesucristo de los santos de los ultimos dias”* which will be handy in giving out pass along cards and what not.

Now to make sense of my rather interesting. All the of the afore mentioned items are things that I have been thinking about lately. I got my passport last week and the government spelled my name wrong. According to my passport my name is “Huley” which kind of baffles me. I sent in a photo copy of my license, a birth certificate and tons of paperwork all with my name spelled correctly. Obviously someone was ready to go home for Christmas because I just can’t see how that could have happened. Anyway, I got it sent back and hopefully it will come in the next few weeks. I’m waiting for my FBI Clearance and after that comes I have to send it back to the government to get an aposille. When it comes back to me from there I have send every thing into Church Headquarters and this all has to happen before March 7th or I might not going ot Guatemala on April 3rd. Cross your fingers and pray for me!

Now on to plantains. I’ve been trying to talk to a lot of people that served in Panama. They have all told me that with every meal you eat fried plantains. So much for wanting to eat healthier in a place that is abundant with every fruit you could possible think of. I skyped with one of the girls that will be serving about the same time as me and we both agreed we would just eat slow so that we wouldn’t feel obligated to eat tons. Its going to be incredibly hot year around and super humid for about half the year so I personally think we won’t have huge issues with gaining weight because we’ll just sweat it off but we’ll see. I am super excited for the new food I am going to try and cannot wait for all the experiences I will have. It makes me think of a great quote I heard in church today from an RM who just got back from serving his mission in Brazil a week ago. He said:

“When you decide to serve a mission you do not give two years the Lord. The Lord gives those two years to you. He gives you the opportunity to represent His Son and the chance to become the person you’ve always wanted to be.”

I am so excited to go. I know it will change me for the better and help me heal after the hard year I had. I’m looking forward to feeling closer to my Savior than I have ever felt and helping others to come and feel that peace and joy.

Finally the parable. I heard this in church too and though it was fantastic. The High Councilman pulled a cucumber out of his jacket and talked to us about the parable of the cucumber. It was given by David A. Bednar in an April 2007 sessions of General Conference.  

“A pickle is a cucumber that has been transformed according to a specific recipe and series of steps. The first steps in the process of changing a cucumber into a pickle are preparing and cleaning. I remember many hours spent on the back porch of my home removing stems from and scrubbing dirt off of the cucumbers we had picked. My mom was very particular about the preparing and cleaning of the cucumbers. She had high standards of cleanliness and always inspected my work to make sure this important task was properly completed.

The next steps in this process of change are immersing and saturating the cucumbers in salt brine for an extended period of time. To prepare the brine, my mom always used a recipe she learned from her mother—a recipe with special ingredients and precise procedures. Cucumbers can only become pickles if they are totally and completely immersed in the brine for the prescribed time period. The curing process gradually alters the composition of the cucumber and produces the transparent appearance and distinctive taste of a pickle. An occasional sprinkle of or dip in the brine cannot produce the necessary transformation. Rather, steady, sustained, and complete immersion is required for the desired change to occur.

The final step in the process requires the sealing of the cured pickles in jars that have been sterilized and purified. The pickles are packed in canning jars, covered with boiling hot brine, and processed in a boiling-water-bath canner. All impurities must be removed from both the pickles and the bottles so the finished product can be protected and preserved. As this procedure is properly followed, the pickles can be stored and enjoyed for a long period of time…

Just as a cucumber must be prepared and cleaned before it can be changed into a pickle, so you and I can be prepared with “the words of faith and of good doctrine” (1 Timothy 4:6) and initially cleansed through the ordinances and covenants administered by the authority of the Aaronic Priesthood…

And the Lord has established a high standard of cleanliness.

“Wherefore teach it unto your children, that all men, everywhere, must repent, or they can in nowise inherit the kingdom of God, for no unclean thing can dwell there, or dwell in his presence” (Moses 6:57).

Proper preparing and cleaning are the first basic steps in the process of being born again…

Just as a cucumber is transformed into a pickle as it is immersed in and saturated with salt brine, so you and I are born again as we are absorbed by and in the gospel of Jesus Christ. As we honor and “observe the covenants” (D&C 42:13) into which we have entered, as we “feast upon the words of Christ” (2 Nephi 32:3), as we “pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart” (Moroni 7:48), and as we “serve [God] with all [of our] heart, might, mind and strength” (D&C 4:2), then:

“Because of the covenant which ye have made ye shall be called the children of Christ, his sons, and his daughters; for behold, this day he hath spiritually begotten you; for ye say that your hearts are changed through faith on his name; therefore, ye are born of him and have become his sons and his daughters” (Mosiah 5:7).

The spiritual rebirth described in this verse typically does not occur quickly or all at once; it is an ongoing process—not a single event. Line upon line and precept upon precept, gradually and almost imperceptibly, our motives, our thoughts, our words, and our deeds become aligned with the will of God. This phase of the transformation process requires time, persistence, and patience.

A cucumber only becomes a pickle through steady, sustained, and complete immersion in salt brine. Significantly, salt is the key ingredient in the recipe. Salt frequently is used in the scriptures as a symbol both of a covenant and of a covenant people. And just as salt is essential in transforming a cucumber into a pickle, so covenants are central to our spiritual rebirth.

We begin the process of being born again through exercising faith in Christ, repenting of our sins, and being baptized by immersion for the remission of sins by one having priesthood authority.

“Therefore we are buried with him by baptism into death: that like as Christ was raised up from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so we also should walk in newness of life” (Romans 6:4).

And after we come out of the waters of baptism, our souls need to be continuously immersed in and saturated with the truth and the light of the Savior’s gospel. Sporadic and shallow dipping in the doctrine of Christ and partial participation in His restored Church cannot produce the spiritual transformation that enables us to walk in a newness of life. Rather, fidelity to covenants, constancy of commitment, and offering our whole soul unto God are required if we are to receive the blessings of eternity.

“I would that ye should come unto Christ, who is the Holy One of Israel, and partake of his salvation, and the power of his redemption. Yea, come unto him, and offer your whole souls as an offering unto him, and continue in fasting and praying, and endure to the end; and as the Lord liveth ye will be saved” (Omni 1:26).

Total immersion in and saturation with the Savior’s gospel are essential steps in the process of being born again...

Cured cucumbers are packed into sterilized jars and heat processed in order to remove impurities and to seal the containers from external contaminants. The boiling-water-bath procedure enables the pickles to be both protected and preserved over a long period of time. In a similar way, we progressively become purified and sanctified as you and I are washed in the blood of the Lamb, are born again, and receive the ordinances and honor the covenants that are administered by the authority of the Melchizedek Priesthood..

Through faith in Christ, we can be spiritually prepared and cleansed from sin, immersed in and saturated with His gospel, and purified and sealed by the Holy Spirit of Promise.”

I love this Gospel so much. I love all the new things it teaches me every day. I am grateful for my relationship with my Savior and all that He does for me every day of my life. I cannot wait to dedicate 24 hours of my life, 7 days a week, in laboring to bring others unto Him. I pray that He who loves us all with an infinite blesses you and watches over you my dear reader, until you read again.

If you would like to read Elder Bednar's full talk click here

*We are missionaries of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints
** Also, I can finally roll my R's after a month of trying every day! God is blessing me already!