mission blog

sunshineinmysoulpanamamission.blogspot.com

here is the link for the blog to the mission if you guys are interested... there are pictures and stuff..

Seek Him With All Thy Heart and Soul

Hola Todos!

So I wanted to do my email a little different today... we went out to work on Saturday but no one wanted any thing to do with us because well... they just didnt... yesterday I had to pack because the assistants to the president are coming to get my suitcases because I have transfers.... I dont know if I should tell you where I am going  yet because I am technically not supposed to know but President Carmack let me know where I will be going... I will just say that it shows how merciful God is to those who wait for Him. 

So I dont have much to say except I am ready to work and I have cambios so I wanted to share with you guys some quotes that I read this week and that I loved along wtih sciptures that I found... they are quotes that help explain what I have learned this last cambio with the problems with my foot and every thing that came along with it.

Arthur Tappan Pierson said: It is in the deepest darkness of the starless midnight that men learn how to hold to the hidden Hand most tightly and how that Hand holds them; that He sees where we do not, and knows that way He takes;; and though the way be to us a roundabout way, it is the right way.

with that quote.... I was reading in Duetronomy 4:29-31 which reads, thou shalt seek the Lord, they God, thou shallt find Him, if thou seek him wiht all they heart and with all they soul. When thou are in tribulation and all these things are come upon thee... if thou turn to the Lord they God and shalt be obedient unto His voice He will not forsake thee...

The first lesson that I learned this change is that God works perfectly... it may be in a way that we cannot see in the moment but He works perfectly and some times He loves us enough to tell us no... while it might be hard He waits... that He may gives us the desires of ours hearts when we think that all is lost... I have learned so much about His love these past six weeks... I know that He loves us so much... we just have believe and let him take us by the hand.

Lift up your eyes. Heavenly Father waits to bless you in inconcievable ways to make your life what you never dreamed it could be. Anne Ortlund

One of my favorite scriptures in Isaiah reads: But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings as eagles, they shall run and not be weary, and they shall walk and not faint.

I think one of the biggest things I learned this last cambio was patience.. and what it means to really wait on the Lord. Its not a passive resignation to what God is doing with you... it is making the most of your situation and finding joy in your trials and your pain that you might still feel His love and even as your suffering the pains of growth that He sees fit to place upon  you. 

If the Lord be with us, we have no cause to fear. His eye is upon us, His arm over us, His ear open to our prayer... His grace sufficient, His promises unchangeable. John Newton

and in Daniel 10:19 we read... O man, greatly beloved, fear not, peace be unto thee, be strong, yea be strong. And when He had spoken unto me, I was strengthened, and said, Let my Lord speak for thous hast strengthened me.

I read another quote recently that talked about how God will only gives us the answers that we are able to handle in the moment.. He knows our limits... our weknesses and our strengths.. He will never test us beyond that which we cannot stand... 

I just have one more quote and then I am going to send this off....

St. Augustine said: God of our life, there are days when the burdens we carry chafe our shoulders and weigh us down; when the road seems dreary and endless, the skies grey and threatening; when our lives have no music in them. and our hearts are lonely, and our souls have lost their courage. Flood the path with the light, run our eyes to where the skies are full of promise; tune our hearts to brave music ; give us the sense of comradeship wiht heroes and saints of every age; and so quicken our spirits that we may be able to encourage the souls of all who journey with us on the road of life, to Your honor and glory.

That is my invitation to all of you... look for the light in the darkness... even when it seems like there is none... reemmber that Goid works perfectly... and me we hope in good things to come... until next week... when I can tell you where the Lord has decided I am needed now.... I love you all so much... this work is the work of the one True God and He loves all of you so much. Praying for you all! 

With all My Love,

Hna. Wilson

The Love of God in a Mothers Eyes

Hola Todos!

So we are nearing the end of this long but refining trial... I am hoping with all my heart that this is the last week of therapy and that on Saturday I will be hading out to work with my companion.. just in time for cambios.. I will talk with President Carmack today because he told me.. and I quote.. I think it would be best for me to call you and get your views on a number of things before we have transfers.. so the point is... I will probably have transfers... it sounds like.. and I feel.. that he might be thinking about having me train a new sister so we will see what happens with that....

So the title of this email is a very personal spiritual experience that I had.. I was sitting in a metro bus and across that aisle was a young woman with a little baby that was sleeping... I was trying not to make it obvious that I was watching but I watched out of the corner of my eye as she kissed the top of her daughters head numerous times... I was suddenly struck with this unexplainable warmth and I just knew in that moment how much God loves every single one of us... to see the pure love of a mother for her little baby was a testimony to me about how much our Father in Heaven.. a perfect being.. loves us.. no matter our mistakes... we cannot fall far enough that His love cannot reach us...

Speaking of metro buses I forgot to tell you guys about some thing happened last week. We were in a metro bus coming bakc from a therapy seession.. I was sitting up front because its almost impossible for me to stand in those things with my crutches.. anyway.. I was sitting towards the front and my companion was sitting towards that back.. when I got off at our stop I looked around and realized that my companion had not gotten off with me. At that moment Hna. Chavez called me and I admitted to her that I was not sure what to do.. it felt so weird to be completely alone.. I knew where I was but my compnion was in the metro bus still.. probably sleeping.. and I had no idea when she would wake up and if she would be able to find her way back to me... worse is that I had the cell phone and she did not have money to call me if she found a pay phone... basically I just sat down at the bus stop and waited.. called my district leader who told me to wait there and then just waited. A half an hour later my companion shows up and we are fine.. it was just a really funny and strange experience... 

Also.. yesterday we ate with this Mexican family in our ward and they cooked us ceviche which I had neve tried before.. it was intersting.. 

Anyway, thats pretty all I have for you guys this wek.. I have been studying the Bible a lot and I hope to finish it by the end of my mission.. a year is a good amount of time to read it right.. know that you are all in my prayers.. that I love you so much and that I am grateful for your encouragement and your love. I hope that you will remember to rely on the Lord and trust that He has a purpose for every thing. 

All My Love, 

Hna. Wilson

Sed Fiel...

Hola Todos!

How I love you all so much.. the outpouring of love that I recieved from you all in response to my last email was.. to tell you the truth.. overwhelming and badly needed... I love you all so much... thank you for you support... your prayers... and your confidence...

Whats happening here... well I am in therapy for the next three weeks... only two weeks to go now... I have three sessions of therapy every week and right now its pretty painful... they are kind and try to do a lot of pain control... which did not work a lot last time.. they told me that my ankle will hurt for the first five or six sessions and after that it should start to feel better... 

So the title... translated into English is be faithful... I am not allowed to leave the house apart from going to my therapies and going to church.. it has given me tons and tons of time to study and make lesson outlines and all kinds of things like that... I think it has been a huage blessing... some days I just read my scriptures all day and I only stop to eat... I am learning a lot and its is giving me an inner strength and peace that has helped med through a lot of hard moments this past week... 

I have spent the past week reading Doctrine and Covenants.. I found a couple scriptures that really helped me but I think that one that halped me the most was one that Hna. Chavez shared with me D&C 54:10... sorry... I have been studying my scriptures only in Spanish as of two months ago so I will give you a rought idea of what it said.. basicaly be patient in your afflictions until the Lord comes... he comes with his reward and those who seek Him early will find rest for their souls... it just gave me a lot of peace.. it amazes me how God answers our prayers through other people... I have seen it many times in the six months I have been out here...

God did it again yesterday when I was talking with a member from last area.. she shared 1 Nephi 18:16 with me... we talked about how no matter what happened in Nephis life he never ceased to praise the Lord... she told me how no matter what happened from day to day she wanted to be like that... I thanked her profusely because right now things are kind of hard for me... from only being a part of 1 lesson every week to seeing the frustration of my companion and knowing that I am the reason I take comfort in knowing that God has a purpose for all things... 

Another miracle that happened yesterday was some members showing up to our apartments with bags and bags of food.. I will attach pictures here in a minute but i can personally testify that God really sends His angels in our darkest moments.. just as He sent an angel to support His only Son as He suffered in Gethsemane... in our personal Gethsemanes He is always ready to do the same... I pray that we will all the faith and the hope in God to trust Him completely and in every thing.... I talked with my mission president yesterday and he told me that some times that Lord likes to take one trial and used it to test all of our weakest points... but we need to be strong... because God believes that we can do it... in fact He knows that we can do it.. we just need to remember that at some point in our eternal existance we knew that we could do it too... we only have to remember... and only believe...

I love you all so much... I know this work is the work of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ... it has been a long hard month but it has also been a refiners fie for me... I am so grateful for all the patience and faith I have learned and I know it will serve me for the rest of my mission and the rest of my life... until next week...

All My Love, 

Hna. Wilson

More Pictures

A Conference Just For Me

Hola Mi Familia y Mis Amigos,

Bueno... it is a beautiful Monday morning here in the city of Panama... oh yeah President Carmack sent me to the city on Friday... it was about a four hour bus ride alone... with my crutches and my suitcases.. it was definitely an adventure to be completely frank.. I am in an area of the city called Marcasa with a new companion namded Hna. Castro.. she is from Ecuador and like almost all of my other companions does not speak any English.. which is not a problem.. I prefer it to tell you the truth... I can feel my Spanish getting better all the time... I can understand every thing that is said to me and communicate any thing I want to communicate... I will admit I need to study the grammar more but it has been a crazy month.. i hope to be more diligent this week...

So the apartment that we live is probably one of the most ghetto places I have ever seen... we have to climb four flights of stairs to get there.. which is an experience with crutches... let me tell you.. and the apartment itself looks incredibly old.. I will send pictures in another email... the roof leaks in every room when it rains and yesterday when Hna. Castro and I were sitting in the front room talking a rat came crawling in through the window and so we went into the bedroom and planned for today... I saw the same rat again when I was talking with Hna. Chavez... the pluses are that its fairly good sized.. has running water and electricity... the ants and the lizards come free of charge...

Okay on to things a little more full of sunshine... Conference was so wonderful... to be honest when Elder Holland was talking there was a moment when i felt he was talking directly to me.... I would have cried if I was not in a room full of people... it has been a hard month of feeling inadequate and uneeded in the work of the Lord here in Panama... the inspired words of Elder Holland soothed my aching heart and helped me to know that there is a balm in Gilead...He said...

whatever your struggle... trust in God.. hope in his love... we must remember our broken vessels are in the loving hands of the Potter... live by faith... and hold fast to hope... 

the other talk that really spoke to me was the talk by the prophet... to be completely honest I felt like someone dying of thirst and God was giving me the water that my soul yearned for... the living water of His love... and I drank deeply and was filled with the knowledge that He knows... and He hears... and He is there... always... 

I read another article recently that struck me that I wanted to share with you guys... it was from teh May 2011 conference...the talk by Elder Paul V. Johnson... he said...

At times it may seem that our trials are focused on areas of our lives and parts of our souls with which we seem least able to cope... yet not one of our trials and tribulations we face is beyond our limits, because we have help from the Lord... 

I have felt so broken and so alone... forgotten and abandoned at times these past four weeks... I have felt like God has stretched me to my limits just to see how much I could endure.. but I know... I know that He does it because He loves me... that He lets me pour out my soul in anger and frustration before He answers me... before He wipes away my tears of anguish and despair He listens... and then He teaches me about my Savior... He teaches me about love... He acquints me with the Man of Sorrows... with whose stripes I am healed... and I begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel... the dawn at the end of the night... and I know... that while I may feel alone... while I may look into the frustrated eyes of a companion who was not ready for a situation like this I know that my Savior is only a plea away... 

The other talks by Elder Richard J. Maynes who spoke of spiritual endurance, Elder Timothy J. Dyches who talked about how we can be made whole through the power of the atonement, and Ulisses Soares who talked about becoming meek and accepting the will of God... in all of these... I found my peace... and I found the strength to keep moving forward...Paul has said that our trials are that we might have a greater glory... perhaps God is not testing me to see if I will fail... but testing me... because He knows I can suceed...

I just want to testify to al of you that God loves us so much... He hears and He answers our prayers.. in the Relief Society session of Conference a sister talked about the tabernancle in Provo that was burned to the ground and is now a temple.. she talked about how some times God burns us to the ground with our trials... that He stretches us to the limits... many times we might ask why.. but then He comes back.. and in His own time and in His own way.. he takes us from the ashes and constructs us into beautiful temples... fit for His spirit to dwell... no trial is too hard... no road to long... nor night so dark.. that the Son of God, our Savior Jesus Christ cannot reach out and heal our hearts, soothe our souls... and teach us through our tears... 

I have what I hope is my last doctor appoitment today... then begins the fours weeks of intense therapy... I know it will be hard but it is possible... all thrings are possible through God who strengthens us... I pray that none of you are worried because God is with me... I am grateful that He has given me my trials that I can learn of Him and His Son... I am grateful the patience and the strength He has taught me... I love you all so much.... you are all in my prayers... remember to be strong always and never cease to seek Him who waits for you. 

Con Todo Mi Amor, 

Hna. Wilson